Scene – a surgery in fair Basingstoke
Receptionist Where for art thou locum tenens? Thy presence is requested to scribe your signature on prescriptions, to sign off the results from the leeches and to scribe your knowledge on many a document in the parchment workflow. Thee must come hither now; C'mon, lest you have a break for the olde English tea and we not feel that we have got our worth for the gold we have paid ye! Where thou in Denmark the word lokum would mean a toilet, and we could quite gladly cast our sewage wastes into your being, but in this country we will dress it up, as were it a loftier package.
Locum I hear ye oh reception wench. Thou dost holler in lofty tones. Yet thy voice – sweet as a birdsong in morn' dost carry the folly of misconception. The parchment workflow be not the burden of the locum, but the toil of the partner. For he or she be at the helm of such responsibility and better kin with the patient to whom such toil pertains to perform the act of completion. Likewise the agreement to which the NHS and GP contract enslaves the holder of the contract, engages that it be the GP to which thus errands fail.
Alas I am already engaged on the toil of seeing thy patients and engaging the guide to lead me unto the abodes of the patients that require my tinctures and remedies for their maladies.
I implore ye to kneel at the shrine of thy boss and engage him in your toils, lest he be ignorant of their measure
[Exit locum to house visits] [exit receptionist to whine at anybody who will listen]
Narrator Sadly ladies and gentlemen, this is not a comedy. Despite much education, it is still the misconception in practices that it is safe for locums to do workflow and sign of repeat prescriptions for patients they have never seen, in systems they are not party to. It's not about the workload, it's about patient safety. Progress....i bet it was the same in the days of Romeo and Juliet. And while this passage may try and capture the language of the time, I suspect it be deemed a tragedy in its prose. For that, please forgive me.